About Me

Hi, I’m new here, but not new to blogging.

I first started it in November 2011, when I was in the height of Domestic Abuse. I had moved into the spare bedroom as a way to keep myself safe and away from all the threatening behaviour that I was facing every time I wasn’t at work and trying to quietly tiptoe around the house. I was slowly getting old friendships back on track, telling those who were once close to me about what was going on at home. As more and more people became aware of my situation, it became tricky trying to deal with all the messages, especially as my phone had, at times, been checked and monitored to see if I was talking to any male friends. I couldn’t tell you how I came up with the idea at the time, but it just felt like such an easier and safe space to tell everyone at the same time, on a regular basis, what was going on and then that eventually transpired into blogging about stalking, life in the refuges and rebuilding after losing everything.

I stopped blogging at some point, I think, because I had become too overwhelmed with life. Leaving refuge, trying to live on my own again, dealing with shattered confidence and mental health and having no support through it all. It was just all too much. Then after my mother’s arrest in 2012, I was told by both herself and her lawyer that I was to refrain from publicly talking about anything that could affect her case, which created a deep paranoia within me. Occasionally, I would publish a post, have a minor panic attack about it and then go to delete it or hide it away in the drafts section. I had just secretly lost so much confidence in myself that it was so incredibly hard to believe anyone would want to read anything I had to say. Aside from that, I had developed this fear of judgement, something I had never had before. I had never ever cared what others thought about me, but years and years of being told to sit silently and obediently, in part ruined me. I wasn’t allowed to openly grieve, I wasn’t allowed to say anything that was truly on my mind or in my heart because everything was so incredibly wound tightly together.

I came to the realisation this year that I did want to give it another go. I no longer have the pressure of being silenced and I am slowly working on not fearing the judgement of others as well as trying to be kinder to myself. I love writing. I have done since I was 7 or 8 when I used to sit on the floor of my dad’s offices and write short stories. The dream? To one day be an author. I have no idea what I would write or if it will ever happen (us writers are great at procrastination and self-criticism!). For now though, I will write to soothe my soul and heal my mind, I will concentrate on raising my three, crazy little ones, focus on still rebuilding my life piece by piece.

The things I love?

• All sorts of music
• Writing (of course!)
• Reading (if I have the time around parenting, but it’s tricky)
• Bullet Journalling (helps give my life structure and my mind peace)
• Playing the keyboard (still learning)
• My Nintendo Switch 2 (a gamer girl at heart – always!)
• Board games (I collect them but never play them because I’m too bloody knackered in the evenings after a 3 hour bedtime routine)
• Singing (in the car only! I am that obnoxious Audi driver who has their volume up max for all of Dorset to here whilst I belt one out – sorry, but not sorry!)
• Dancing (I used to love this so much, it always gave me so much confidence and when I was 17 I wanted to be a dancer, but I haven’t danced since 2012 – a MH issue at play I think)
• Reels (Bloody love them and they cheer me up and make me laugh out loud and if you’re lucky enough, I will spam you with millions)
• Walking (but not in a heat wave)
• The beach and the forest (nature soothes my soul)
• Bees (my all-time fave bugs and I love everything about them!)
• My cats (Millie, Marley and Maisie)
• Stationary (I don’t need fancy tech, just get me a pen for a couple of quid and you’ll make me weak at the knees)
• Birthdays and surprises (because life is short not to)
• Fresh bed sheets (I mean, who doesn’t?!)
• Swearing (Fuck, Cockwomble, Twatwaffle, the more creative the better and I’m not even sorry about it)
• My garden (a small slice of heaven to call my own)
• Shopping (I don’t think I need to add anything to this!)
• Food (bit of a foodie and bloody love a charcuterie and a glass of proper good vino)
• Learning (I’m all about self-improvement no matter how old you are)
• My children (my absolute world, pushing me on the days I wish the world would just swallow me up – however I do also enjoy well-deserved child-free time!)
  

The above is a much bigger list than I had initially anticipated, normally I have about three things to say about myself. But I will endeavour to add more to it over time.

Love

N. x